


Voices Carry

by Lorilie



Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: F/M, angsty Billy, mentions of parental abuse, sappy billy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-28
Updated: 2018-08-28
Packaged: 2019-07-03 13:33:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,813
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15819897
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lorilie/pseuds/Lorilie
Summary: You can't expect me not to fall in love, can you?





	Voices Carry

**Author's Note:**

> I love Steve with all my heart but I am so intrigued by Billy and his mentality. He's still kinda awful though just saying... but I couldn't help myself.

From somewhere outside of your dream the soft knocking of knuckles against your window woke you up. The familiar sound didn’t startle you anymore, in fact it was almost calming. That sound meant he wasn’t out causing trouble somewhere or with someone else. You rolled over as you heard the window slide open and the screen pop out of place. You felt the comforter shift, the weight of his body and finally his warm arms wrapping around you. You curled your body around his, allowing your fingers to find the familiar parts of him like landmarks. Your fingers brushed across the stubble of his cheeks and chin, the soft curl of his hair.  
The first night he had snuck into your room had been over a year ago, after a particularly bad fight with Neil, Billy had appeared at your window. He was bruised and bloody and had no one in the world left to turn to. You had stayed up all night with him just listening, no one had ever just listened to him before. Ever since that night Billy had made a habit of crawling in your bedroom window, sometimes it was after a fight with his dad, sometimes it was after he drank too much, and on the rare occasion it was because he had dreamt of his mother.  
When this whole thing began he would sleep on the floor, which slowly turned into him sleeping on the bed but he remained on top of the linens while you snuggled beneath them. Now it was his routine to slip underneath the covers and around your body. One night in a drunken stupor he had kissed you, it was deep and wet and his tongue danced playfully across your lips before he abruptly passed out. Since that night you had had the understanding that you had somewhere along the line fallen in love with Billy Hargrove. You had wanted to talk about the kiss after it had happened, you had kissed him back after all, but he left before dawn and when he returned the next night he didn’t address it. “Hey stranger,” you whispered against his chest. “Hmm,” was all he managed in return.  
You felt the muscles beneath his shirt finally relax as he sighed deeply, he was so clearly exhausted. Your heart ached, you wanted so desperately to take all his stress away. “Do you want to talk about it?” You asked carefully, “No.” he answered bitterly. “Billy, I…” you started but you lost your nerve as quickly as you had found it. You closed your eyes and tried to fall back asleep but you felt that itch, that uncontrollable urge to act on impulse. “Billy,” you tried again. “I said no, Y/N. Just go to sleep.” He nuzzled his face into the space between your neck and the pillow but you couldn’t just let it go. “Billy, please I just want to talk to you,” you pleaded. He groaned, “Well maybe I don’t want to talk to you.” There was a terrible fire in his eyes and for a moment you wondered if this was what Billy saw in Neil before his body was thrown around.  
You bit your tongue and were silent for a few moments but the itch came back and with it came raw anger, “No, you don’t get to do that,” you said sternly. Billy sat up, “Do what?” He asked his voice dangerously close to a snarl. “You don’t get to just come in here and treat me like I’m nothing to you,” Billy rolled his eyes, “Oh come on,” he looked to you as if expecting an answer but when there wasn’t one he furrowed his brow, “What do you think this is exactly?” You sighed, clearly flustered by the question. “I don’t know I mean I just I thought, I don’t know what I thought.” The itch emerged again that horrible, horrible itch. Without thinking you pulled Billy into a kiss. You pressed your lips against his as if all the passion in the world was contained in your body.  
For a moment the itch was satisfied, for a moment there was relief, but it was all just for a moment. Billy pulled away harshly, “No,” he said as he stood to leave, “No?” You asked as your breath began to catch in your throat. “Look I know this thing we do is weird but I know it isn’t that.” You felt tears coming but before they could spill out the anger was back, “Fuck you, Hargrove.” He rolled his eyes, “That’s fine by me princess. I thought you were cool,” You stood up jabbing him in the chest, “Don’t even play that card, you’re acting like after a year of you coming in through that window I’m not supposed to fall in love with you? I’m just supposed to be the ‘cool girl’ who’s down for whatever?” The tears were coming now but you willed them to stay still you wouldn’t cry not like this.  
“You love me?” He asked. You bit your lip, “I mean I don’t know, maybe.” You lied, you had known you were in live since the night he had kissed you. “Well then that’s your mistake.” He said cruelly, “You need to understand, no one loves me. No one is ever gonna want me or need me. I’m the guy you fuck over spring break and then gush to all your girlfriends about I’m not the guy you bring home to mom!” He moved towards the window but you grabbed onto the sleeve of his jacket , “But why not? Why can’t you be?” You were begging and you hated it but you weren’t letting him just walk away not after everything you two had shared together.  
“Because I’m not worth it. I’m nothing.”  
“I love you.”  
“Then that’s your problem, Y/N.” Without another word Billy slipped out the window and was gone into the night.  
***  
You didn’t see him for two weeks after that, which you managed to convince yourself was for the best. You friends all told you to stay away anyways that he was “damaged goods”. For two weeks you berated yourself over thinking you could fix someone like that, but then again you had never really thought you were fixing. Every night you would lay awake wondering where he was, if he was safe, who he was with. You wondered if there was another girl out there who had opened her window, maybe something else too.  
You wrote out letters you knew you would never send. Most said the same thing, most saying that he deserved love and even if it wasn’t yours he wanted he still deserved it. Others were angrier and accusatory. But it didn’t matter to you, they would never be read by anyone else.  
One night was you laid awake you heard the familiar slide of the window. You closed your eyes, pretending to be asleep. Even though all you wanted to do was throw your arms around him you laid still and waited. You heard the sound of paper shuffling and realized you had left the letters out on your desk. You held your breath as you realized he was slowly ready each one. Your heart pounded in your chest, if you had known there was even a chance he might have seen them you would have destroyed them completely.  
After a few minutes you felt the edge of your bed sink as he sat down, “I know you’re awake.” He whispered. You ignored him and continued your charade, “Come on, Y/N. I’ve slept next to you for a year I know when you’re faking it.” You reluctantly sat up, “What are you doing here? Don’t think I’m just going to let you crawl back in after what happened.”  
“I came to apologize.”  
“That’s a new one. I thought you didn’t do apologies, just mutual understandings.” Billy smiled slightly before turning to you, “Usually but on rare occurrences when I’m the one who fucked up, I think an apology is warranted.” You nodded before shifting your glance towards the desk, “You read the letters?”  
“Every one.” There was a moment of silence before he spoke again, “And you were right, I am a piece of shit.” You groaned and moved to sit next to him, “You aren’t I was just angry, but can you blame me? I mean I love- I thought I- I have feelings for you and after all we had been through am I really that much of an idiot to think there was something there?” He shook his head and took your hand in his, “You aren’t, there is something here, I think. But you’re just wasting your time.”  
“Shouldn’t I be the one making that decision?”  
“I’m just saving you the trouble.”  
“But why? I just don’t understand why do you think you don’t deserve love?”  
“I don’t deserve you. I’m really good at being the bad guy, Y/N. I don’t want to break you.”  
“Break me?”  
“I’m not boyfriend material, I’m not that guy and I don’t even know if I can be. You deserve someone who is going to love you and make you feel special. You deserve someone who sees just how fucking beautiful you are and how amazing you are. You deserve someone who spends every minute of every day trying to think of a way to make you smile. You deserve the world, Y/N and I don’t belong in it.”  
You sat for a moment completely dumbfounded. You had never heard anything like this from Billy before, this was uncharted territory. You nodded your head you understood what he was saying you did deserve someone like that but you also knew who it was you wanted. “Do you love me?” You asked quietly. Billy paused for a moment, “But I’m not who you deserve, you deserve someone like…” he paused. “You didn’t answer the question.” You reminded him, he drew his hands away as he begin to fidget, flicking his lighter open and closed. “Billy, I’m not going to ask again,” you said as you snatched the lighter from his hands, “Yeah, I do. I love you, Y/N.” You smiled brightly, “I love you, too.” As soon as the words left your mouth Billy pulled you close kissing you just as passionately as he had that night. For a few glorious moments it seemed as if you two were the only people in the world. As you parted, breathlessly he said, “I’ve never told anyone that before.” His face was flushed and his eyes seemed to burn brighter than ever. “Do you mean it?” Without another word Billy planted a soft kiss on your lips, “I’ve never said it before because I’ve never meant it before.”  
“That’s everything I need.”


End file.
